You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
