4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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