If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
