y did u give ur computer a hand job?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
