Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
