I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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