I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
