You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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