i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
