like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
