Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
