i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
