My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
