no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
