if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
