I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
