i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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