I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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