My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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