when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
