Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
