I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
