Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
whose ass print is on the piano?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
