Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
