The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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