So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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