Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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