your parents love me but you hate me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
