It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was born a porn star she said
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
