I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
