Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
