Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
