sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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