Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
