My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
