I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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