im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
