maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How's work?
Spinning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
