Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
