you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
