This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
