i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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