evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He passed out mid-signature
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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