i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
