I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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