i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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