If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
