no, he came in my armpit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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