Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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