first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
