The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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